Written by: Rena Kakuda
All throughout my 12 years of public schooling I was never the one to take on roles of leadership, nor the one with confidence or popularity, and I certainly never found myself in the center of any “drama”, good or bad. I was quite comfortable with the lukewarm bubble of my own world, and believed that I was simply born to be a person in the background, the Villager A of society. And in all honesty, I was happy with such a position of peace and tranquility.
However, little did I know that my entry into university would bring about a turning point in my life of being the “shy, quiet, nerdy” girl (spoilers: the “nerd” part doesn’t change).
https://www.facebook.com/pccrovers/videos/1766643690066112/
Being someone from the countryside, the fast-paced city life of Vancouver gave me an unspoken pressure to do something, anything that might make me feel like I belonged in this new environment. My introduction into the 180th Pacific Coast Scouts Group seemed to be the perfect solution to escape the self-inflicted feeling of being useless. Upon joining the group, I found comfort in being able to help fellow members. I reveled in the position of being a supporter. I truly enjoyed the feeling of being a part of a larger movement, being part of a team. I became less hesitant in taking on new roles, and now I even find myself even excited to step out of my comfort zone. I actually like public speaking! I actually like talking to people and socializing! Taking on new experiences step by step broke the protective bubble I had built around me, and it made me realize how much this mindset had limited what I was capable of.
The thing is, even though it sounds like I’ve changed a lot, there’s actually nothing different about who I am. I’m still introverted, still don’t like drama, and the thought of being a leader still frightens me (and yes, I’m as nerdy as ever). What has changed is how I define myself. I am no longer bound by my own image of being shy, quiet, submissive, because I know I am capable of more. My internal struggles of trying to be who I “wanted” to be ended up being what held me back from becoming anything.
This revelation was not something that hit me like a lighting bolt at 3 a.m. in the morning, and this change in mindset for sure did not happen overnight. It was all a slow realization overtime, and my way of achieving this internal change was the result of gradual growth. Taking on each opportunity as they come, listen to the people around you, and don’t hesitate to try something just because its not your character. And of course, take the time to reflect on your actions and feelings.
The last and most important thing to note is that none of these experiences would have been possible without my fellow Rovers of the 180th Pacific Coast Scouts Group. You may have noticed that there were a lot of “I”s and “me”s used in this blog. For me, supporting others meant helping others in a tangible, easy to understand way. Finish one task and I was done! The ultimate self-satisfaction. But being a truly supportive person takes so much more time and patience, and my teammates in the Rover crew showed that to me through their actions. So if there is any goal I would want to set for my future self, it would be to give back that support to my teammates and others, and hopefully continue to expand my limits along the way.
